Things that Terrify Me

• Visiting a website that plays music and not realizing that Young One has turned the speakers up to high volume. There's nothing like Hawaiian music at high decibels to shock your heart into a new rhythm.


• My husband doing laundry. His heart and intent are pure gold. The results not so precious.


• Snakes. I know, I KNOW. We have no poisonous snakes in Minnesota. No poisonous bugs either. You can tell me they're a great part of our ecosystem, you can wax on about the pests they rid our Earth of. I don't care. No likey. And I won't hold one. Ever.


• Sharks. I know, I KNOW. We don't have sharks in Minnesota. Well, we do, but they're in an aquarium. I know that you're more likely to get killed by a falling vending machine than a shark, but I'm still terribly frightened. Don't ask me to swim in the open ocean, I can barely handle the waves lapping at my feet.


• Closed spaces. I once hyperventilated just thinking about what it would be like to be in my clothes dryer. I'm not embarrassed by this in the least. Honest.


• That I just might actually complete the transition of becoming just like my mother.


• That the last words to my husband just might be, "Take out the garbage."


• That I was a better mom before I had a kid.