"Well, What Do Ya Know, Bud and Henry!"

My Uncle Bud died. Well, Great-Uncle Bud, real name Eugene, but he was always Bud to me. He was my Grandpa Hank's brother. They looked kind of alike with their shiny bald heads and man, could they both rock the old man specs.

Uncle Bud was a complicated person, but who isn't? I wasn't old enough to perfectly understand the complexities of his early years. And I'm thankful for that. To me, Uncle Bud was the cool guy that was born on the Fourth of July. We saw him every year on his birthday, until he no longer could handle all the commotion that company brought. I've felt like something was missing every Fourth of July since then.

Uncle Bud lived on a river with a slow current and a pebbly bottom. Perfect. Kid. Paradise. He liked to invent thing. Although I don't know if it was original to him, he did have a potato cannon launching spuds for us kids one year. He made model replicas of a John Deer tractor with teeny tiny parts. My mom is a proud owner of one of the very few of these. He always had firecrackers and bottle rockets. He used to light the firecrackers in his hand and then toss them in the air. One finger was mysteriously shorter than the others. We kids never knew how he lost the tip, but we suspected it was fireworks related.

On one visit to our house, Uncle Bud and Grandpa Hank were sitting on lawn chairs in the yard. Grandpa's dog and our dog were playing. We'd never really thought much about the dog's names before. Buddy and Henry, were named just because the names fit and we like them. Grandpa tipped back in his chair and said, "Well, what do ya know, Bud and Henry!" And we laughed. Grandpa died when I was fourteen. I'm sure he welcomed Bud into Heaven and I hope they're laughing.

Bud introduced us to the hidden campground pictured above. I thank him every time I'm there and will continue to do so as I pass this treasure on to my son. (And, no, I won't tell you where it is without DNA testing to see if you're family)

The last time I saw Bud, he was in such pain he could hardly bear life. I'm so glad that's over.

Thank you Bud. For your love. You always made me feel like I was just the person you were waiting to see. I'll miss you.

In the End, You Need Nothing But Love

I was able to spend several hours with my grandma while she made her journey out of this life. She was at times coherent and at others, she slept and was unresponsive. During those times, my mind wandered. I remember caring for my dad during the night before he died. I thought about the similarities of dad's and grandma's journeys.

Dad mentioned seeing his mother. Grandma mentioned seeing her first husband. Both did what I call air picking. Both possibly symptoms of the death of the brain, but, I'd rather think that they are working towards and meeting with those that have passed before them. I know, deep in my heart, that our souls are powerful and that they must continue on past the life our bodies can hold. This mysterious transition from life into what's next is fascinating and frightening at the same time.

As Grandma slept, I looked around her small room. In my lifetime, I'd seen Grandma move from a house, to a condo, to a small apartment, and finally to one small room barely big enough for a twin bed, chair, and television. Every move meant that she needed less stuff. Bit by bit it was sent away, given away, donated, sold, or tossed. Her life had become smaller and only the valuable parts remained. Family. Memories. Pictures.

It had come down to the end of her life and what mattered most was not what she owned, but who she knew and who she loved. The precious trappings of life that she had left were so dear. Pictures of her family, her boys, her grandchildren and great-grandchildren were the most prized. She commented to my mom at one point how her family was smiling down on her, surrounding her.

Every time I've been with someone who is dying, I am reminded of what we take with us and what we leave behind. I suppose it's easy to get caught up in the pursuit of stuff and more stuff and more stuff and greater and more expensive things. But, if you have a moment, think about what you'd like to be surrounded by when you die.

Love is really all there is. To cultivate that and the experiences of life, forming memories is really all we have.

In Gratitude

• For being incredibly fortunate and having so much compared to many in this world.


• For my family and especially my two boys, D and Young One.


• For the ability to laugh together with family.


• For my brother, who has hosted Thanksgiving I don't know how many years now.
  
• And for D for helping me cook our own Thanksgiving dinner the day after, just because we want our own leftovers!!


• For the Bald Eagles that circle my house almost every day. I never go tired of watching them.


• For Young One's many friends. Listening to them play Rock Band has both made me giggle and brought tears to my eyes. They're growing up so fast, but yet still little boys. Love it!


• For my mom's surgeon, who's talents helped mom go through her surgery without serious issues or complications. And for having her home before the holiday.


• For my Grandmas, one 97 and one 84. They are like second mothers to me and also really good friends. I treasure my talks with each of them.


• For my dogs. For their comic relief and cuddling just when it's needed.


• For my simple, happy life.


• For my wool felt clogs. I dig them out every year and just love the warmth they provide.


• For my nursing education. Although, I'm not working, it still comes in handy almost daily.


• For the smell of hot cider simmering on the stove.


• For the week of school off so I could spend time with Young One after being away at the hospital so much.


• For a gathering of friends.


• For hands on, homemade gift making.


• For a bit of peace and quiet and time to myself, before another busy time.


• For the ability to write it out when I need to.


• For the time of Thanksgiving.

There's so much more that I'm thankful for, but these are the things that just came to mind in the last five minutes. I decided just to let my mind wander and my fingers follow and this is what came out. I am so thankful this year.

Happiest of Thanksgivings to you. May you hold your family and friends close and enjoy this day of togetherness.

In Gratitude

Paul Newman died last night. I'll forever remember him for this quote:

"I have steak at home, why go out for hamburger?" Newman told Playboy magazine when asked if he was tempted to stray.

That's what I was looking for and that's what I found. A steak man. You won't see my guy hanging around the bars looking for a stray.

Thank you Paul for giving me this quote to base my search for a husband on. It didn't steer me wrong!

We'll miss you Paul. Thank you for your legacy. Peace and blessings to your family.

In Gratitude

I'm sitting here waiting for some word on my Great-Aunt's condition. She's started bleeding again and I can't even think straight worried about what will happen to her. I just adore her daughter, who is handicapped and relies on her mom for companionship and care. Arrangements for C's care have long since been set in stone, in the event that Marilyn dies or needs to go into a nursing home. But, I just worry about my little cousin and how she is handling all of this. I know, it's got to be rough. I hate being so far away.

I've been chatting with friends on the phone and looking through old vacation pictures. My mom gifted me with the love of travel-- and sometimes with trips themselves. I've been so lucky to be able to take trips, but it's almost always been because of hard work and sacrifice.

So, here I sit, gazing at pictures from our last major trip to the Big Island of Hawaii. It was a very healing place for me. I learned a lot about myself on that trip and gained a great deal of peace while gazing at the island's valleys. I don't think I'll ever go back there again, at least with flights what they are now, I know it will be a long time before we take a trip like that.

Today, it's with gratitude that I post these peaceful pictures. Hopefully, some of that peace will rub off of on me, cause I'm stressed.

I keep accidentally turning comments off, I have no idea why or how. So, thanks for the emails. You guys are great.

In Gratitude

~For a cold, which gave me some time to pause.

~For my mom, who is my greatest cheerleader and biggest supporter.

~For a husband who doesn't need much recognition, but who deserves it.

~For my son, who is growing up, but not away. I have to love him, but I choose to like him more and more each day.

~For a slow roasting chicken and zucchini bread in the bread machine filling my house with homemade goodness.

In Gratitude

~For an evening alone, just when I thought I couldn't handle one more description of Guitar Hero or Spiderman 2, the game.

~For the ability to listen to books online for free through our library system. Oh, I love modern technology.

~For my sleeping, elderly dog sitting next to me. I love ya, Pip, especially when you snore and chase squirrels in your sleep.

~For abundance. We have so much, I never want to forget that I am very very lucky.

~For a husband who agrees with me that we can't take it with us and that we'd better spend it on experiences and not things.

~For a son who loves Guitar Hero and Spiderman 2 so much that I get to hear about it (yes, I'm feeling guilty about the first item on this list)

~For Stephen King. You scare the crap out of me, but listening to your book right now, I'm loving every minute of it.

~For my garden, my copper swirly sprinkler providing background music to my evening as it waters.

~For Wint-O-Green Lifesavers. First of all, your name is simply brilliant, and second, a candy that actually sparks when you bite it is just cool (go into a dark room with a mirror and check it out--I remember crazily giggling while doing this with some of my sorority sisters--oh, another admission that has a long story behind it!)

~For my fellow bloggers. I feel a kindred spirit. I need to write more than I need to be read. Thank you, though, for reading.

In Gratitude

~for Dolly Parton. Her concert last night was amazing. What a talented and genuinely kind person. I admire her for sticking to her values while pursuing her dreams.

~for old friends who really are the best ones.

~for moms. Not just my mom, but for all the women who mother in their own unique way.

~for gathering together with other moms. Thank goodness, I'm not alone.

In Gratitude

~For a 75 degree, sunshiny day just when I need it most.

~For low WW Points Cheeseburger Soup simmering in the crock pot

~For Big Love, the HBO series, my new obsession. Got to love loaning these DVD sets from the library

~For good neighbors. We don't see them much in the winter, but once the weather is warm, we all reconnect.

~For teachers who dedicate themselves to be more than just educators. Thank you to Young One's high performance math teacher for Pi(e) Day. Celebrate Pi with Pie! How fun.

In Gratitude

~For Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Gene Wilder's version is still the best!

~For school nurses, teachers, and staff that care so much about our kids that they tolerate incredibly unfair student to teacher ratios and horribly low salaries.

~For TiVo. I just don't have time for commercials.

~For remote control cars. They're fun at any age.

~For a point friendly version of Baked Mostaccoli.